Advent calendar of Doom: countdown to oblivion (again)

I keep forgetting that the world is ending. Again.

By way of apology for this forgetfulness… please accept this advent calendar style count down of will she or wont she? Mother nature that is. (Will she bites the dust or bite back or… fill in the blank with apocalypse of your choice.) If the world ends in (insert countdown clock here) however many days will it end in fire? ice? zombie apocalypse?

2012 End of the World Party Invitation

Blog pick of the day (backdated to Dec 2)

Six Reasons Why the World Isn’t Going to End in 19 Days

http://kaitlinring.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/six-reasons-why-the-world-isnt-going-to-end-in-19-days/

spoiler alert: here are her reasons the world won’t be ending

  1. Mayans were no Nostradamuses (er nostradami?)
  2. Taylor Swift is not gluten free or tasty
  3. Rapture.2 still not scary (still, true believers, it is okay to mail me keys to your car and safety deposit boxes cuz you don’t need all that where you are going? right?)
  4. Walking Dead series is a training guide for surviving the zombie apocalypse.
  5. iphones
  6. ignored expiration date on coffee creamer and survived.

It’s all pretty complicated and scientific. Go read it and enjoy.

Today’s pick says we live. Tomorrow’s says we die. I like to be fair that way.

footnote: time isn’t a straight line its wobbly spacy thingy… and blogger time is even wobblier than that. So this advent calendar “begins” on December 2nd (see above) but I started and finished writing this on Dec 7 2012… and you, dear reader, maybe reading this from the relief or rubble of post Dec 31st or in the farflung (or fairly soon) future as part of an alien history class of once great “human” civilizations.

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Just because you’re paranoid… it doesn’t mean no one is hiding in your shower

showercurtains

 

three options here:

  • 1) Yell “ TAG you’re it! ” then it’s your turn to hide
  • or
  • 2) do your best indiana jones impression and sneer: “you brought a gun to a knife fight?” Then shoot him between the eyes (or thighs) with that tiny pink girly revolver you keep hidden under the toilet paper cosy
  • or
  • 3) push him and turn on the water. Idiot is standing in slippery tub. Bludgeon him to submission with the wooden end of the toilet plunger while he gets tangled in the shower curtain. Once he’s unconscious get the ax or chainsaw and chop him into manageable pieces. Very considerate to hide a place that makes clean up so easy. Then bury him in the basement with the last killer stupid enough to hide in the bathroom and wait for YOU to come home.

PS Do not skip the dissection stage. Just dragging him downstairs and burying him whole may seem like a timesaver but we’ve all seen how that movie ends.